ON REPEAT (iBlogNewAlbum#5) ~ THE CAT SINGS

I don’t know if it’s the same for everyone but usually when I listen to a new CD or album and I would hear a song that I really like, I’d bask in it, put it on repeat and hold on to it for awhile until it’s time to let it go. When a song happens to hit me hard emotionally, I allow myself to get affected. Whether the song makes me sad, angry, confused and fearful, I try not to resist it. Instead I let the song assist me in processing my feelings.

What happens is, even if I take a break from listening to it, the music continues to play in my head. And it would feel like I’m listening to it still while I’m in the shower or at the dinner table or just staring into space. It’s like falling in love with someone, and all of a sudden this person lives in every little corner of your mind.

But more than that, I tend to study the song and try to find out why it affects me. I try to explore the possible life situations from which the song could be based on. I’d wonder if it’s real or if it’s made up. It matters to me whether the song is the songwriter’s true experience or if it’s just plain fiction. And then I would dissect the song parts, analyze the lyrics and tinker with the bits and pieces in my head. Somehow, I just find so much pleasure in taking music apart and in appreciating all the elements.

Well, that’s my experience as a music listener. And, strangely, my experience as a “maker” of music is somewhat the same in a narcissistic kind of way. I consider it responsible necessary narcissism.

When I finish writing a song, I’d keep playing it like I’m trying to get to know it better. I’d keep playing it because there’s no other way to listen to it since it’s not recorded yet. It’s a big deal for me when I finish a song. Not only do I feel a rush, I absolutely feel like it’s a miracle, like it was given to me by some bigger power that’s beyond my comprehension and intellect. Most of all, it gives me a sense of purpose.

And just like that I would fall in love with my new song and I’d allow myself to have a rendezvous with it. It’s healthy. It’s like nurturing a child so it would grow into a beautiful adult. The song’s journey to growth begins from its conception, then to the recording and processing of the sound and to the final product. And with every step of the process, I’m there. I listen and I keep listening. Sometimes the songs overlap and take turns occupying my mind but nevertheless I am there for each and every one of them.

In my journey with songs, whether I’m listening to them or making them, repetition has a role to play. It is through repetition that I get to understand the song more. And when it comes to my own songs, it is also through repetition that I slowly plan out or scheme a direction for their studio “growth”. Repetition is simply my way of loving.

I guess if you’re a songwriter, it’s really important to fall in love with your own song. After all, you are your most important listener.